What Nobody Told You...

So you get home with the little one, and start trying to set up a routine that works for you, the baby, and your spouse.  You have time to reflect on the entire 9 months of "old sage advice" that was provided to you from the time you announced you were expecting.

Some, you find really works.. while most of it is absolutely worthless.  While it may have worked for them, it really doesn't work for you.

Then the first growth spurt hits a week in.. you're up all night long with cluster feedings and a cranky baby.  And your once harmonious home is now turned into diaper central, with two grouchy adults to accompany the cranky baby.  Heaven forbid there's something like colic to throw in the mix.

You start going back through and cataloging the helpful advice in your mental files.. and you realize that nobody told you how exhausted you would be.

Another few days of sleepless nights and days roll by, and suddenly, you realize you cannot stand your spouse.  When did this happen?  HOW did this happen?  For the last 7 years, you've lived harmoniously, happily, and joyously with this person who was your best friend.. now, even the sound of their voice annoys the living crap out of you.  WHY did nobody tell me this?..you know they didn't tell you this, because you've cataloged it all, and you would vividly remember if someone told you this little tidbit of information.

At least you're realistic enough to have the forethought to NOT say anything to him about it..yet.  It could be hormones, sleepless nights, or the fact that you are no longer YOU.. you are now Mommy.  Nobody prepares you for that fact either.. you've been your own person for however many years (for me, it was 34) and all of a sudden that existence and identity no longer exists, because that precious package you look after day in and day out is going to call you Mommy, and you're his/her world.  You still have happy sappy moments with your spouse, but gone is the contentment...in it's place, resignation.  Especially after you spend all night long looking after a very cranky baby (while your spouse sleeps), crawl in bed at 2am when he's finally asleep, only to be shaken awake what feels like moments later by your spouse telling you he's had him for the last hour, and it's your turn again...you go get the baby from his nursery, and come back to the couch with a bottle.. look over at the clock, and even without your glasses, you see that it's 2:30am... WHAAAAT?.... So you lay on the couch for the next 3 hours, absolutely so mad that you couldn't sleep even if you were brave enough to lay your little angel down.. and you imagine ALLLL the ways you could kill your spouse and get away with it.  (Incidentally, this is when you realize that it's most likely hormones that's making you hate him right now.. but you can't force yourself to care.)..  The conversation when he finally got out of bed at 8am that morning was not a pretty one.. he laughed about it when he admitted to lying.  Which very nearly sent me back to the plan making stage.. but then he let me sleep the entire day while he kept an eye on the baby.  Redemption. :)

So after the first 6 months, it DOES get better...you and your spouse have started talking (after a few massive blow out arguments) and sharing how you're feeling rather than bottling those emotions up and allowing them to spew forth in a terribly corrosive & toxic stream of foulness when you have an argument. - And then you spend the next 2 years trying to repair the damage that the first 6 months of sleep deprivation and hormone imbalanced driven identity crisis caused.

I'm happy to say that 2 years later, I can say I didn't actually hate him.. and I only wish for a shovel and the energy to dig a body sized hole in the back yard on rare occasions...but I don't visualize it anymore. :) (I also stopped watching CSI and the real life crime shows on cable..they teach you WAY too much)..

Anyway, it's all normal.  -  What we have to remember, and what the men who love us have to remember.. is that for 9 months, we are walking around with enough hormones in our bodies to sustain TWO human beings.  Never mind the fact that we are incubating and growing an actual human (how cool is that!?).. And then, suddenly, in ONE day, those hormones start depleting at a runaway bus down a winding icy mountain road speed... Sometimes they don't understand or realize what a roller coaster that takes us on..and we don't even realize it until we're in the midst of that ride, and we're floundering for a safety net.  Just remember how awesome it was, and how much you loved your spouse before hand.. I don't think it will ever be the same as it was before you were more than a couple.. 99% of the time, it's better...and ever the optimist, I hold out hope that it will always be better than it was before. :)